Me.

I think it is important to know yourself. I think it is especially important for an artist. But to know thy self is such a challenging task. So let me rephrase- I think that it is important to be in pursuit of knowing yourself. Especially for an artist. I think that it helps to create if you know how you like to create. I mean, that is the point of this process book, right? To learn ones own process. Because everyone works differently. More than a few professors have told me to go out and look. Look at what you like. Look a design you like. Look at type you like.

Design, for me, is fusing what I like with MY process.

It seems to be all about me. Ha ha. Of course it's not. It's not that simple. But myself is a very important aspect to how I design.

So I wanted to talk a little about my life story. Or my recent life story anyway. The reason I am into knowing myself is because of therapy. For a long time I was very opposed to seeing any psyciatrists/psycologists/shrinks/therapists/councilors because my parents made me see different forms of them for years after they got divorced. Basically I played with toys for a half an hour and went back to school. From what I knew about therapy (via TV) was that it was expensive. So it really bugged me, even at the ages of 8-11, that my parents were paying money for that.

Long story short I started to have major anxiety problems and panic attacks when I moved to the University of Idaho. Eventually the severity forced me to seek professional help. Through disscusion and self discovery I was able to completely stop the panic attacks and majorly improve the severity of my anxiety.

This is why I now value trying to really know myself.

Now I have been back in portland for almost a year and some of my more severe anxieties have resurfaced. I deal with it by thinking about things in my life critically. Analyzing my urges, my actions and my thoughts. I think a lot.

To come full circle, my process is a lot in my head. I will think about a major project a hundred times before I start it.

Right now I am working on a gross project. I am only in the collection stage. I am collecting my own hair and laundry lint. When I have enough I am going to felt the hair and the lint together to make a gross fabric. I want to make a gross dress, a gross sweater, and a gross scarf.

Recyling is such an abstract concept. Every day I collect my paper, plastic, metal, etc. and put it in a green dumpster that exclaims "All together!" Then it is taken away to a magical place and somehow made into pretty recycled things that are (generally) more expensive than new things.

So why not collect my hair and lint? I want it to be gross. I want it to be dirty. Anyway-- that's all I got so far.

I learn more everyday. About myself and my art. Both are a process. Both develop over time.