Me.

I think it is important to know yourself. I think it is especially important for an artist. But to know thy self is such a challenging task. So let me rephrase- I think that it is important to be in pursuit of knowing yourself. Especially for an artist. I think that it helps to create if you know how you like to create. I mean, that is the point of this process book, right? To learn ones own process. Because everyone works differently. More than a few professors have told me to go out and look. Look at what you like. Look a design you like. Look at type you like.

Design, for me, is fusing what I like with MY process.

It seems to be all about me. Ha ha. Of course it's not. It's not that simple. But myself is a very important aspect to how I design.

So I wanted to talk a little about my life story. Or my recent life story anyway. The reason I am into knowing myself is because of therapy. For a long time I was very opposed to seeing any psyciatrists/psycologists/shrinks/therapists/councilors because my parents made me see different forms of them for years after they got divorced. Basically I played with toys for a half an hour and went back to school. From what I knew about therapy (via TV) was that it was expensive. So it really bugged me, even at the ages of 8-11, that my parents were paying money for that.

Long story short I started to have major anxiety problems and panic attacks when I moved to the University of Idaho. Eventually the severity forced me to seek professional help. Through disscusion and self discovery I was able to completely stop the panic attacks and majorly improve the severity of my anxiety.

This is why I now value trying to really know myself.

Now I have been back in portland for almost a year and some of my more severe anxieties have resurfaced. I deal with it by thinking about things in my life critically. Analyzing my urges, my actions and my thoughts. I think a lot.

To come full circle, my process is a lot in my head. I will think about a major project a hundred times before I start it.

Right now I am working on a gross project. I am only in the collection stage. I am collecting my own hair and laundry lint. When I have enough I am going to felt the hair and the lint together to make a gross fabric. I want to make a gross dress, a gross sweater, and a gross scarf.

Recyling is such an abstract concept. Every day I collect my paper, plastic, metal, etc. and put it in a green dumpster that exclaims "All together!" Then it is taken away to a magical place and somehow made into pretty recycled things that are (generally) more expensive than new things.

So why not collect my hair and lint? I want it to be gross. I want it to be dirty. Anyway-- that's all I got so far.

I learn more everyday. About myself and my art. Both are a process. Both develop over time.

Book Pages + Explanation

"Unique"

This image was crafted using some of the ideas of seriality that Andy Warhol (and many others!) played with. It is not just the seriality of what is portrayed in these nine images, but also the seriality that is created by using a digital camera.

I didnt create the lamps, I just documented them.

Andy Warhol repeated popular icons in his work, which made the actual person portrayed loose their meaning. I repeated these lamps not to make them loose their meaning, but to create a new meaning.

In reality, each of these lamps are different. I photographed nine lamps at sunset transit center, in Beaverton. Each of the lamps were probably made in a factory out of a mold, so essentially they are the same. But once they were put outside in the world they each experienced something different.

maybe someone kicked one lamp, maybe one lamp got hit by a bicycle, maybe another has a crack in it from a cold winter, maybe one is close to a tree and gets less sun and is less faded, maybe one got graffitied on.

There are an unlimited number of variables even in the small vicinity of the transit center.

But the point is, each lamp is both the same and unique. I think that fact is an interesting contradiction to think about. Especially in relation to humans and their lives. Sure the lamps are an oversimplification, but analogies often are.

"Depression"

I love it when nature conveys emotion.

This tree was photographed during the rainy period between beautiful fall and barren winter in a Target parking lot.

The interesting thing is that this tree was trimmed (or hacked) to be pleasing to the eye during the spring and summer months when it has leaves. Its upward growth has been stunted so that it will forever look like a young tree.

This tree is made to seem youthful, but in the winter it is just a depressing sight.

"My Very Own Garbage"

Waste is sort of a hot topic, especially in a city known to be "green" like Portland.

So I wanted to know about the waste that is in my vicinity. Of course, not all this garbage is "mine." The photographs are from shared receptacles, but I just wanted to know what waste I see everyday. So I compiled the photos to just lay it in front of myself. I guess as proof. Proof that I contribute to a lot of waste.

I didn't necessarily want to judge the situation. I wanted to display facts.


"Play"

In my compilation of pages I wanted to include innocent play. So I took a photo shoot with my cat Oz.

Ha ha. I dont know what else to say. It seems that innocence doesn't need much explanation.

"Pig Girl"

This is sort of a self-portrait. Sort of not.

It's like a snapshot of emotion at one moment in one single day.

It deals with body image, as well as my inability to draw a nose that doesn't look like a pig nose.

"Pantry"

This is a comment on foods that are cheap and bad for you. Gluttony combined with nessecity.

"Untitled"

This is part of my cat photo shoot. My idea was playful innocence, but this photograph came out a bit ghostly.

I really enjoy working with contradictions.

It is playful, but I feel as though the playfulness (signified by the string and the cat) is slipping away. The cat is only a tail and the string is almost transparent. If play=youth, then this photo represents the loss of youth.

"Friends"

The more I age (ha ha, I got a whole nineteen and a half years behind me) the more I find that everything is connected and everyone has their problems.

I created these little characters to kind of embody that (I dont know what to call it) revelation.

All the characters fit together and they are all kind of weird in their own way.

When I have anxiety attacks I feel so Isolated, so Alone. But I know those feelings are a lie. Im not alone at all. In fact I couldn't be alone even if I tried. Everything is connected. Everyone has their problems.

I don't know what to call this one. I've been through a couple titles. Ambiguous. Untitled. Gender.

I guess I could call it- "Stairwell"

I have always been curious about gender and sexual orientation. I dont question my own gender or sexual orientation, which is why I want to know how people who are gay, lesbian, bi, transgendered, etc. feel about being themselves in a society riddled with predjudice against them.

I mean, as a recent example, proposition 8 prohibits gay marrage in california. Prop 8 makes me so angry. Why would anyone think that it's nessesary to take someone's rights away? It makes me sick and sad that that could be passed.

Most of all I don't want to offend. Which is why I dont go around asking such personal questions. And I dont even really know how to ask either. I have gay and lesbian friends and so in being close with them I have gotten some of my questions answered.

I dont want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. I am just naiive. So I keep my mouth shut and express my questions visually.